Humorous Cooking Quotes

Humorous Quotes About CookingEnjoying the Humorous Quotes About Cooking
(Source: ©kai-chiang/

Enjoy reading this collection of humorous cooking quotes meant to bring a smile and a chuckle to brighten your time in the kitchen. They always say that food should be enjoyed.

Enjoy reading delightful quotes about food and cooking by Chef Julia Child, Phyllis Diller, Oprah Winfrey, Woody Allen, George Bernard Shaw, Sir Winston Churchill, and other notables from the past and present.

Humorous Cooking Quotes

This collection of humorous cooking quotes has been compiled from a wide variety of vintage books, magazines, and other published sources.

  • A party without cake is just a meeting. — Julia Child

  • I don't even butter my bread. I consider that cooking. —Katherine Cebrian

  • There is such a buildup of crud in my oven there is only room to bake a single cupcake. —Phyllis Diller

  • The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it. —Andy Rooney

  • It's so beautifully arranged on the plate—you know someone's fingers have been all over it. —Julia Child commenting on nouvelle cuisine

  • When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag. —Russell Baker

  • Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. —Storm Jameson

  • The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. —Calvin Trillin

  • I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died. —Roy G. Blount, Jr.

  • God sends meat and the devil sends cooks. —Thomas Deloney (1543-1600)

  • There is no sincerer love than the love of food. —George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

  • I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. — Julia Child

  • The most dangerous food is wedding cake. —American proverb

  • Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. —G. K. Chesterson (1874-1936)

  • Recipe For Chili: Put a pot of chili on the stove to simmer. Let it simmer. Meanwhile, broil a good steak. Eat the steak. Let the chili simmer. Ignore it. —Allan Shivers, former governor of Texas

  • Nachman's Rule: When it comes to foreign food, the less authentic the better. —Gerald Nachman

  • Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat? —Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962) after having eaten matzo ball soup three times in a row

  • No one is lonely while eating spaghetti. —Robert Morley

  • A louse in the cabbage is better than no meat at all. —Pennsylvania Dutch proverb

  • I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead—not sick, not wounded—dead. —Woody Allen

  • The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook. — Julia Child

  • We didn't starve, but we didn't eat chicken unless we were sick, or the chicken was. —Bernard Malamud (1914-1986)

  • Blow in its ear. —Johnny Carson on the best way to thaw out a frozen turkey

  • Eating an artichoke is like getting to know someone really well. —Willi Hastings

  • When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. —Gail Sheehy

  • Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. —Alex Levine

  • In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. —Jose Simon

  • Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. —Mark Twain (1835-1910)

  • I prefer Hostess® fruit pies to pop-up Pop-Tarts® because they don't require so much cooking. —Carrie Snow

  • You know why the French hate us? They gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into a croissandwich. —Denis Leary

  • The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. —George Miller

  • My idea of Heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with. —Oprah Winfrey

  • Where there's smoke, there's toast. —Anon

  • My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. —Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

  • Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. —W. C. Fields (1880-1946)

  • Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance. —Dylan Moran

  • The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose. —Garrison Keillor

  • There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. —Lewis Black

  • I no longer prepare food or drink with more than one ingredient. —Cyra McFadden

  • I don't eat snails. I prefer fast food. —Strange de Jim

  • Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands—and then eat just one of the pieces. —Judith Viorst

About the Humorous Cooking Quotes

Burning Toast by Angel Face 1957You're Getting Too Much 'Lectricity On the Toast
(PD Source: Angel Face 1957)

With a clever blend of wit and satire, these humorous food and cooking quotes strike chords of truth causing us to see ourselves and others in our relationship to eating. Enjoy reading them whenever you have the need of a smile or a chuckle. I'll be adding new sayings as I find them.

Please use the handy social buttons below to Share this page with your family and friends. They'll love starting their day on a happy note.

You May Also Like

Kitchen Poems

Weather Folklore Saying and Rhymes

Remember The Good Old Days

Enjoy a Laugh to Brighten Your Day!

Abbott and Costello on Stage

Listen to Bud Abbott and Lou Costello's "Who's On First?" skit from the World War 2 Special Services Division V-Disk.

(5: 54 min.)

Like This Page? Please Share It

Visit the Homemade Dessert Recipes Homepage

Donald Bell is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to and affiliated sites.

Old Fashioned Rose and Cookbook Icon
Don Bell with Vintage Recipe Scrapbooks

Please click Like and help preserve Grandma's old fashioned recipes in their original form.

Mystery Quiz

Mystery Item

What is this antique item? The Answer is found below.

Recent Articles

  1. Fun Frozen Treats Recipes - Simply Delicious

    Simply delicious frozen treats recipes that are easy to make and fun to eat. Enjoy ice cream sandwiches, pies, cones, and colorful frozen swirls and layered treats.

    Read More

  2. Grandma's Picnic Recipe Ideas

    You will love Grandma's old fashioned picnic recipe ideas. Make tasty cakes, pies, sandwiches, salads, and beverages for lunches the year-round.

    Read More

  3. How to Tie Various Knots with Illustrations

    Quickly learn how to tie various knots by following the illustrated instructions. Use over 20 knots for almost any purpose: basic household use, nautical, garden, and farm.

    Read More

  4. Read Short Inspirational Stories That Inspire, Motivate and Entertain

    You will enjoy reading these short inspirational stories from Grandma's day. These vintage stories will inspire and motivate and help to pass the time when you need to take time out from a busy world.

    Read More

  5. Our Privacy Policy

    This Privacy Policy outlines the steps we take to safeguard your personal information while you're a guest on the website.

    Read More

Quiz Answer

Grandma's button hooks for  fastening tight buttons on leather boots and gloves.